The Job

Alright I started working. It's a really good job as in it pays well and it has insurance and all that good stuff. Do I want to be working? No. This has been a tough week, leaving Ava and going back to an 8-5 schedule. Tough for Tyler too. The last 8 months sure went by fast, I was really enjoying staying home and being just a mom for a change. Okay I'll stop whining about it. On the bright side it makes me wake up before 9 haha.....and I actually have to be ready and out of the house by 7:30 instead of 11ish. I can do this, it's for my own benefit. I needed a job and I am grateful that I found one that's in Blackfoot. Believe me, I looked for 2 months and there was nothing. I know it was a blessing for me. It will make feel a little bit more independent.

Also things are settling down a little bit at my house, this is a good thing, I think. I'm just going to take it day by day and see how things go. The last few months I have had this horrible guilt, especially when it came to Ava. I just want to know for myself that I did my best, my best for Ava and for me and Tyler. If it doesn't work out then hopefully I will feel okay in the future knowing I did give it my best shot. Everything that has been going on still seems unreal. I didn't really ever think anything like this would happen. I mean you get married with all these exciting ideas of what your life is going to be like..... I just assumed everything would work itself out. But people don't change unless they want to for themselves, and that has been a hard reality.

I must say my family has been so amazing. I know they would help me and support me in anything I do. Life is hard, that is all there is to it, but it can be made easier by those around you. My dad told me a few times that marriage is hard no matter who you are with you, you will always have disagreements, they might be disagreements about other things, but there will always be disagreements.